Dear summer diary,
I had a little bit of excitement this evening. The hospital emergency room kind.
I've been having some odd sharp pains in my chest for the last few months that I can only describe as a quick electric shock. But it's painful at the same time. It only lasts for a second. But it happens so suddenly, so quickly, so unexpectedly that it sometimes causes my upper body to sort of twitch back in a jerkish movement. I know, really sideshow freakish sounding. In a week's time it might happen a few times. But tonight it happened several times within an hour. My chest also started tightening up & I got really scared. The Mr. took me to the hospital.
I had blood drawn, a chest x-ray, an EKG & a CAT scan. The worst part of it all was when they had to find a vein for in I.V. I moaned so loud & cried like a baby. It felt like they poked my hand with a pipe & were diggin' all around up in there. And the sad thing was, they couldn't even get the vein, which kept scooting away. It was so painful. My hand is extremely sore at the moment.
I was so relieved knowing that we left the house with the girls in the care of our 3 trusted amigos---Javier, Pedro & Jaime. They are like the girls' older brothers. We had all been enjoying a meal of BLT's, pasta salad, yummy corn on the cob & watermelon when my chest pains began this evening. The boys all prayed for me. I finally had to lay on the couch. And that's when I became a bit nervous & scared (& emotional) & had the hubby take me to the Emergency Room.
Some friends of ours showed up at the hospital, shortly after we were admitted & stayed with me through the whole thing. I was so grateful for their company (& for the foot rub while the nurses tried to find yet another vein in my arm.) I was a mess of emotions. I don't like to show my insides to people. It killed me that I broke down crying in front of the doctor & the 4 other hospital-y people staring me down in the hospital room. How awkward. And even when my friends showed up, I felt so darn exposed— & not only because of the hospital gown. I don't like people to see those parts of me. I made sure everyone knew: What happens in this hospital room, stays in this hospital room!
I was stuck all over with probey things & went on wheelchair rides to this room & that x-ray table. At one point in my hospital adventure I entered a darkish room & saw this giant mechanical whirling donut. I immediately thought of things like "the 4th dimension" & "space-time continuum". I was injected with some sort of liquid that made my insides all warm & was then transported through the donut.
The tests came back showing no sign of any major medical worries. The CAT scan was a bit semi-inconclusive but the doctor is certain there are no worries to be had there. Still, I asked if I could get a discount on that inconclusive test---half price or something? The doctor didn't laugh. I took that as a "no".
The cause of my chest pain is pretty much: Anxiety. Stress. I'm completely overwhelmed. And my body is letting me know.
In the past couple weeks I've begun to let go of things, to lighten my load. This hospital visit just made the urgency to slow down a little more real.
I know this may all seem contradictory or hypocritical to what my blog conveys every week. I hope you don't think that. In one way, it just goes to show you that you never know what someone is really going through. The happy parts of me are still there. But they're just fightin' with them other not-so-happy feelings. In a way, I feel stuck in the mud, trudging my heavy boots through the thick muck, one heavy step at a time.
I'm so thankful for a God that wants me to rest in Him, for a Mr. that is supportive & helpful, for a faraway family that hugs me long distance, & for friends that don't find amusement in seeing me in such a state.
P.S. That is not my best mug shot.