Thursday, August 11, 2011

Summer Diary Day 84: We Interupt This Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Dear summer diary,
I had a little bit of excitement this evening. The hospital emergency room kind.
I've been having some odd sharp pains in my chest for the last few months that I can only describe as a quick electric shock. But it's painful at the same time. It only lasts for a second. But it happens so suddenly, so quickly, so unexpectedly that it sometimes causes my upper body to sort of twitch back in a jerkish movement. I know, really sideshow freakish sounding. In a week's time it might happen a few times. But tonight it happened several times within an hour. My chest also started tightening up & I got really scared. The Mr. took me to the hospital.

I had blood drawn, a chest x-ray, an EKG & a CAT scan. The worst part of it all was when they had to find a vein for in I.V. I moaned so loud & cried like a baby. It felt like they poked my hand with a pipe & were diggin' all around up in there. And the sad thing was, they couldn't even get the vein, which kept scooting away. It was so painful. My hand is extremely sore at the moment.

I was so relieved knowing that we left the house with the girls in the care of our 3 trusted amigos---Javier, Pedro & Jaime. They are like the girls' older brothers. We had all been enjoying a meal of BLT's, pasta salad, yummy corn on the cob & watermelon when my chest pains began this evening. The boys all prayed for me. I finally had to lay on the couch. And that's when I became a bit nervous & scared (& emotional) & had the hubby take me to the Emergency Room.

Some friends of ours showed up at the hospital, shortly after we were admitted & stayed with me through the whole thing. I was so grateful for their company (& for the foot rub while the nurses tried to find yet another vein in my arm.) I was a mess of emotions. I don't like to show my insides to people. It killed me that I broke down crying in front of the doctor & the 4 other hospital-y people staring me down in the hospital room. How awkward. And even when my friends showed up, I felt so darn exposed— & not only because of the hospital gown. I don't like people to see those parts of me. I made sure everyone knew: What happens in this hospital room, stays in this hospital room!

I was stuck all over with probey things & went on wheelchair rides to this room & that x-ray table. At one point in my hospital adventure I entered a darkish room & saw this giant mechanical whirling donut. I immediately thought of things like "the 4th dimension" & "space-time continuum". I was injected with some sort of liquid that made my insides all warm & was then transported through the donut.

The tests came back showing no sign of any major medical worries. The CAT scan was a bit semi-inconclusive but the doctor is certain there are no worries to be had there. Still, I asked if I could get a discount on that inconclusive test---half price or something? The doctor didn't laugh. I took that as a "no".

The cause of my chest pain is pretty much: Anxiety. Stress. I'm completely overwhelmed. And my body is letting me know.
In the past couple weeks I've begun to let go of things, to lighten my load. This hospital visit just made the urgency to slow down a little more real. 

I know this may all seem contradictory or hypocritical to what my blog conveys every week. I hope you don't think that. In one way, it just goes to show you that you never know what someone is really going through. The happy parts of me are still there. But they're just fightin' with them other not-so-happy feelings. In a way, I feel stuck in the mud, trudging my heavy boots through the thick muck, one heavy step at a time.

I'm so thankful for a God that wants me to rest in Him, for a Mr. that is supportive & helpful, for a faraway family that hugs me long distance, & for friends that don't find amusement in seeing me in such a state. 

P.S. That is not my best mug shot.



  1. How scary for you! Totally freaky but I ended up in hospital last week for pretty much the same thing with the same tests done! Turns out I have some trauma to my back and arm which I was ignoring!

    Crazy how our bodies can take such drastic action to tell us to slow down, we obviously missed the more subtle hints!

    Hope your resting and feeling better soon x

  2. Sending love and healing thoughts love Annie x

  3. Hope you are feeling better soon! I am feeling stressed with school beginning soon and all the activities getting started again. I'm trying to lighten my load as well. Thanks for encouraging us!

  4. get well - scary experience. it is hard being vulnerable hey

    So are they thinking panic attacks or cardiac x syndrome I think it is called or something else?

    De-stress - do whatever it takes to be well

  5. Thank God that you are "OK"! I understand where you're coming a Mom and a wife and just a woman. I enjoy your blog very much and will pray for you to find some peaceful relaxation. And by the way, I think your picture is pretty. How blessed you are not to NEED makeup ;-)

  6. I am glad to hear that you are ok. I know what you mean about being a blogger and people romanticizing your life. It happens to me quite often but we are human just like everyone else. I also have spurts of anxiety.
    love to you, Annie

  7. I am very happy to hear you are well. Ya know, I had a feeling. I have been a loyal reader for a while...and honestly, I often read your blog and feel overwhelmed by all of the activity that seems to be going on around you. I know it well, because I am a former "woman who did too much." Never any down time, full-time single mama with job, and full-time crafter and housekeeper on top of it all. I had to let a lot of it GO...and it was OKAY. I am so much happier and more peaceful for it. We all need down time and peace in our lives...and our children need to see that we know how to take it easy and slow down. We can't do it all. God is speaking loud and clear. I felt like maybe you were on that path with the recent decluttering project. Our bodies know best. Just so glad you are okay...may this beginning of a new way of life for slow down and breath and just be. Love and hugs, Cyndy

  8. Yuck! How scary!! At least though you know what is causing it. Hang in there!!!

  9. oh, please try to hang in there girlie... sending well wishes and thoughts of stress free livin' from now on. :)
    we, as bloggers always try to post such happy thoughts all of the time, even though life can certainly be full of many hard knocks! sometimes, it takes everything outta me just to put a smile on my face. (i can blame THAT one on mid-life..HA!) lately, i've just been letting it all out. blah, who feels good and i figure i'm gettin' too old for this. LOL
    happy weekend to you and yours!

  10. Oh Nikki, I am glad you are ok. Those unexpected hospital visits can be really scary. And being far away from your family when something like this happens is even worse. I'm glad God has given you good friends to help and be there for you. And that vein thing is awful. When that happened to me, they had to finally call in an emergency room nurse to find my vein and I was under the covers sobbing. It is NO FUN. Feel better soon!!

  11. Haven't read your blog in awhile, open it up and there you are in hospital couture. I freaked out! You scared me. Glad to hear you are generally okay, but know the feeling about the whole stress thing. Email me if you need to chat. Hugs.

  12. Nikki-

    I would be crying right along with you during those pokings and proddings. I HATE needles with a passion. They always hurt me,too.I totally know what you mean about feeling exposed and I also know how much closer to others we can become when we finally do let down our guard- even though it sucks 'cause it's so humbling. I am SO glad you are okay. I hope you have a wonderful season of refreshment ahead!

  13. Hi Nikki
    Hope you feel better soon.
    Not been keeping up with my favorite
    blogs as much this summer. Will catch up soon. Take care and lots of love.

  14. Take care.....that was a scary ordeal. I hope you happy insides fight hard and win quickly. I so love the way you wrote your post.

  15. Rest up. Breathe deeply and let go. Your health and your family are more important than anything else. So glad you're okay (minus the yucky IV part - I hate them too and am always a baby for them and blood draws!) Take it easy and I hope you're on the mend quickly. I ended up with hives for a week two different times due to stress and learned to try to let go, but it's really hard for some of us!! ; )


  16. don't be shy about getting help. therapy, anti depressents... whatever you need i waited much longer than I should have. go. there is nothing to be ashamed of

    (long time lurker, infrequenter commenter)

  17. I have the exact same problem! I found out what it was during a similarly embarassing ER visit also! I hope you are feeling better! :)

  18. I too agree that they should give you a discount! ;) I had the same experience, except, my face goes numb, it is rather odd, $3,000 later, and no definitive answer, but all the people around me say it is stress, I never knew that my body would react in such a way, very strange IMO. I am so glad you are OK and I am pretty sure you being away from your family is very hard, I know it is with me. It is killing me that I am so far away from the people that I know and my adorable babies are not able to grow up with the people that love them. Let alone, being out in the boonies of SD, just plain sucks! ;/ !!!!! Hugs to you and so glad you are ok!

  19. #1- I think the "mug shot" of you IS adorable.

    #2- Stress SUCKS- er, STINKS!!! (Sorry for my "potty mouth" there...)

    #3- You are NOT being contradictory in your blog- you are being an encourager by sharing the many "sunny" parts of your life with the world.

    Now I hope I have encouraged you just a bit in return...

    Rest well, friend...

  20. Hope you stay well, my Hubby is no good with the vein-tapping thing either. He ends up looking like a bruised pin-cushion.Never put off for tommorrow what you can avoid doing altogether!

  21. Thanks for being real, Nikki... I am glad to hear that it wasn't "too" serious. Funny how our bodies work to let us know that we need to take it easy... I know 'cause I, too, suffer with stinkin' anxiety!

  22. glad it is nothing serious...just him upstairs reiterating the rest you need...we love your blog and your infectious love of life...sending calming thoughts your way x


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