Me: Ok, girls! It's that time of year again: first day of school photos!! Woohoo!!!
Zoey: *sniff, sniff* Mmmm! Pazely, your hair smells like coconut. What shampoo do you use?
Pazely: The same as yours. We share a bathroom, remember? Stop smelling me, Zoey!
Zoey: Your head is like a soft squishy pillow. I think I will take a nap...
Pazely: Zoey! You are smooshing my pony tail. Wake up!
Zoey: I can't help it. I'm so tired.
Me: Pazely, please remove that finger from your nose.
Pazely: Mom! I think it's stuck!!!
Me: *sigh* Let's try taking photos of each of you, separately.
Zoey & Pazely: (at the same time): ME FIRST!!
Zoey: Pazely went first last year. Hmph!
Zoey: This isn't fair. But I guess mom is saving the best for last.
Pazely: Well, then I'll just go again after you're done.
Me: Looks good Paze, but how about you show me your pearly whites.
Pazely: I'm not wearing pearls.
Me: Your teeth, show me your teeth.
Me: What? "Corgi"?
Pazely: I say "corgi" instead of "cheese". I like dogs.
Me: Perfect. Done. Jesus really does still do miracles.
Me: Ok, you're up next Zoey!
Zoey: Can you get the flowers in the picture?
Me: Sure. But why are you raising your hand? Are you practicing for when you're in your new classroom at school?
Zoey: Silly mommy! I'm blocking the sun out of my face. It's really bright out here.
Me: Well, I need to see those pretty eyes of yours.
Zoey: Can't you just draw some eyeballs on my eyelids? You're crafty like that.
Me: All my markers are still packed. Can you just try to open them real quick?
Zoey: Is this good?
Me: Nope. Can't use that one.
Zoey: How about this, mom?
Me: If you were a 5th grade zombie, this would be the perfect first-day-of-school picture.
Zoey: Ahhhh! The sunshine is too bright!
Zoey: My eyeballs are burning! The light is too strong! Please! Just. Make. It. Stop.
Zoey: You can Photoshop my hands out of this one, right?
Me: Not really.
Me: Not really.
Me: How about if you stand up instead?
Zoey: Technically, I'm closer to the sun when I stand. But, whatever.
Me: Hey, that looks nice Zoey!
Pazely: This isn't working. I'm outta here.
Zoey: Wait, wait! I can do this!
Zoey: Quick, mom! Snap the picture! Is this a good one?
Zoey: I think I'm blind, mom. I might need one of those guide dogs for school today...
Pazely: Hey! That's not fair! Zoey gets a dog?!?!
Me: No one is getting a dog.
Zoey: ...or a stick, a long stick like some blind people carry. Tap, tap, tap, on the ground. I could find my way around then.
Me: Well, thanks for trying, girls. You did awesome.
Me: When I blink, I see spots, mom.
If you would've just doodled on some eyeballs...