Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The beginning of goodbye.

The eulogy was read. 
Before the tombstone was placed, grandmother's ashes were laid inside the freshly dug hole of dirt. Her ashes were encased in a rectangular-shaped gold-colored metal box. A sticker labeling her name on one end. Wrapped in a cheap-looking blue velvet drawstring bag. My father knelt down to place it in that empty grave. On this island. Full of happy memories. 
And one sad one.

Earlier in the day, while waiting in line for the ferry, I saw the box. It was in the trunk of my parent's GMC Envoy. I was disappointed at how unspecial it looked. But I grabbed it with both hands & pushed it close to my chest. 
"I'm holding grandmother," I whispered. 
And then the ferry arrived, so I had to give her back.

At the funeral service, some family & friends placed flowers inside the grave. Others gave sentiments of personal meaning: a ticket stub from her last ferry ride on the island, seaglass (which grandmother loved to collect on the beach, & her grandkids loved to collect for her), a seashell, an agate. I reached inside my pocket & gripped tight to my chosen token. I stood over the hole. With a proper shake of my wrist, I flung six bright white dice toward that velvet bag in the ground. The dice clanked against the metal box, hit the dirt with tiny thuds as they tumbled to the bottom. I knew it was as close as I'd ever get to a last game of Farkel with grandmother. It was my final turn at the dice with that lovely lady of mine. 

Some days I feel as if I might be sick. The sadness makes my insides twist.

She'll never return to me. 
And the absence of her is sometimes more than I think I can bear. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

DIY: Peel-&-Stick Heart Wall Decor

I realize this project may deem me worthy of a special psychological disorder all my own. And, (dare I admit it?), this idea has been stuck in my head for a while.

Is this project easy? You betcha.
Is it a wee bit time consuming? Yes.
Should you plan to sit & watch a marathon of movies all afternoon & evening while completing this easy, yet time consuming, project? Most definitely. 

Your supplies are few:
contact paper (I'm giddy for the woodgrain.)

I drew a heart template on cardstock. If you're not confident making your own, browse the internet & print one in the size you'd like. Or create a shape using an appropriate computer program of your choosing.

Then, it's as simple as... 

Approximately 125 hearts + an aching thumb later, I was done. I didn't measure where the hearts would go— I just eyeballed it. And, it's not perfect. But I love it anyway! You could get out a ruler or tape measure & get all precise if you'd like. 
I love how the repetitive pattern makes it look like wallpaper. I even cut out portions of the heart, as necessary, where the wall ended, or to go around the thermostat/light fixture.
Even though I have fairly uneven/bumpy walls, I haven't had any problems with the hearts falling off.
There are so many patterns & colors of contact paper to choose from, too.
Hearts not your thing? What about a giant chevron pattern? Or polka dots? Or moustaches? Or stars? 
You get the idea.

Happy peeling & sticking!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The 4 AM Blues...

At 11:30 PM I was having conversations with my 10-year old about elephant seals, because she couldn't go to sleep. (She & her sister have a temporary bed-situation happening on the floor right beside me & the Mr. You see, we are having a slumber party of sorts. The air conditioning had gone out earlier in the evening. It is a steamy 87 degrees up in here. And since it will be morning before the air gets fixed, the least hottest place in the house is the grown-ups' room. Needless to say, it will be an unromantic evening.) For a few minutes Pazely & I passed the time by describing the features of this large-nosed, oceangoing, earless seal. And then she was quiet. Maybe because the Mr. hushed us. (He has to get up early in the morning.) But what he doesn't understand, you see, is that my littlest little & I are of The Order of the Night Owl. We are charter members. I have the paperwork & everything to prove it. (Hashtag not really.) You can't do this to us. We have rights. And responsibilities to uphold. And yet, she abandoned me. Just like that...

It's now 3:12. Everyone is asleep. Except me.
I'm hot. Too hot to sleep.
I am literally reclining in a warm oven.
The Mr. just touched me. DON'T. TOUCH. ME. Ain't gonna happen.
No matter how tired I am, I just can't get to sleep. Worst feeling ever. Like, I've had insomnia before, but this is insomnia inferno. So not only am I cranky about the fact that I can't sleep, but I am grumpy AND perspiring. Ew. Gross.

In my wait to slumber, there is lots of random stuff happening in my brain. Apparently.

  • I contemplate posting this Facebook status: "Hello? Has anyone seen my ZZZzzzz's? They seem to have gotten lost." But I don't. Because I'm lazy. And hot. And when you combine lazy + hot, nothing will happen. EVER.
  • I also wonder why my homegrown cucumbers are soft. They are slightly squishy to the touch after I harvest them. Note to self: Google that.
  • I repent for my sins.
  • I douse water all over my body & feel the cooling effects of this, combined with the breeze of the dueling oscillating fans. That's right: We gots two of 'em. Boo-yah. And for some reason they are both on the same shelf oscillating in the same direction. But whatevs. ♫Extra air powerrrr!!!♫ *Sung in a metal/rock style.*
  • I decide I need a really good book to read, but not too good, or else I'll get nothing done. Not now, but some other time when I'm glistening less & when the library is open.
  • I have a moment of feeling sorry for myself as I watch the black plastic garbage bag, tacked partially over the window, flapping in the breeze of the powerful synchronized oscillators. Aren't I supposed to be crafty? I've had a garbage bag curtain for a year now. So chic. 
  • I pray for friends with cancer, & family who are grieving, & healing in the bodies of some I know.
  • I acknowledge God as The Big & The Great. And then there's me...undeserving of His love. That He should want me makes me feel at a loss for words.
  • I weep for my grandmother. I miss her. And I feel like my tears are selfish. Every single one.
  • I bookmark piano sheet music on my smartphone. 
  • I feel rumblings in my insides & just KNOW the veggie burger & Satisfries I ate at the wonderfully air-conditioned Burger King for dinner were speaking to me now. And the pie. I had pie too. (The Mr. still thinks it's wrong that I had a veggie patty at BURGER king.)
So. Much. Randomness. All over the place.
I wish it all were as simple as seals with large noses...